When do you start to panic?

I have never really liked being alone. I certainly didn't like it when I was in high school. I always had a friend come stay over. Usually it was my Anna. She's my kindred friend. If I had a sister I would want it to be her. Anyway she was always willing to come babysit me when my parents would go out of town.

Getting married was one of the best things. I have a friend my best friend stay with me every night. How great is that? Well Dave has been traveling alot more this last year and a half, with his SSC position. Which is wonderful for him, but trying for me.

I swear everytime he goes on a trip something happens. I have to take kids to the doctor. Someone or two or three get sick. Once or twice it's been me. Anyway I seem to handle these things pretty good now. I get a little tired and yellie at my kids but for the most part we all come out unscathed.

Last night Sydney asked if she could go outside and ride her bike. We live on a street off by itself with only one neighbor. So pretty safe. I said sure, but stay in front of the house. So off she goes to ride her bike.

The sun decides to go down and I send Noah outside to call her in for dinner. He informs me she isn't out there. What? Go check at the neighbors. I did. Her bike isn't there and it's not at the wheel house either. Ok I'll go check.

So out I go into the now dark street and look around for Sydney and her bike. No where. I look in our garage - not there. I walk over to the neighbors. No - bike. She always leaves her bike on their front lawn so I know she's not there. So I think would she have gone riding around up to the end of the street and into the other neighborhood? Or would she try to ride up the gravel trail to the park? What about riding all over the 20 or so acres across from our house?

When do you start to panic?

I can't find her and she's not answering when I call. I text the neighbors and no response. Where is my sweet little girl? Finally I decide to go to the neighbors house and see if they have seen her. I had walked all over looking for her and calling her name. I had also said a few prayers that I hope Heavenly Father understood because I was panicked and don't think I finished my thoughts or sentences.

So I go to the neighbors where I find Sydney warm and happy playing with their kids. Nice. Her bike? In their garage. Of course they didn't know she hadn't asked to go over there. I was so happy she was ok.

I was relieved and wanted to kill her at the same time. How many times had I done this to my mother? How to you tell them you were so scared, relieved, happy and mad all at the same time? And how do you get a 5 year old to understand? I don't think you can. So I lectured my little one and kissed her and gave her a hug and then yelled at her to clean up her room.

So fortunately on this time of Dave being gone I didn't have to tell him I had lost our child. I don't know if you can come back from that one. I sure felt like a lousy mom. I am so grateful she is ok. But I'm not letting her ride her bike today. I just don't think I can handle it again.